Those boys drove me crazy today, which is why we’re having breakfast for supper. Breakfast for supper is when you really don’t have time to cook or don’t want to cook. It takes 20 minutes.
So why Mark and Noah drove me crazy today. I just happened to mention this morning that the battery in my phone wasn’t charging and Mark immediately seized upon that as an excuse to acquire new technology. I get a phone call this afternoon. “Honey, when Noah gets home from school, why don’t you come on over to the Verizon store?” It’s not actually a question. I’m totally pooped after my a—grinding, three-day fundraiser, but I’ve been married for almost 20 years and I recognize that “new technology” day cannot wait. We get over there, and Mark has already narrowed my choices. I’m technologically illiterate in both their eyes. The choice is a Blackberry or something called an enVtouch.
“Which one can you play games on?” I ask. The salesman goes into a long hoop-de-do about business uses of the Backberry and getting e-mail. My eyes start to glaze. “Games. Which One Can You Play Games On?” The enVtouch. OK, that’s the one I want.
We are not out of the store before Noah is trying to program the damn phone. This is why I never learn how to do these things for myself. I get “help” from Mark and Noah, meaning they grab whatever device it is out of my hands and do it for me. Believe it or not, I actually used to know how to operate small electronic appliances before I got married, but that skill vanished as soon as my wonderful husband came on the scene.
We get home and the “help” begins immediately. It’s about 4:30 p.m. and I am “helped” for the next hour and a half, at which point the boys want to know what’s for supper. There is no actual “help” stoppage as I pull out the bacon, eggs and frozen biscuits. By the way, the easiest way to cook bacon is to set the oven for 400 degrees, cover a sheet pan with foil, put the bacon slices on it and bake for about 20 minutes. Easy and no clean-up.
At any rate, breakfast for supper is underway when Mark disappears. He knows I hate this. My motto when it’s time to eat is: “It doesn’t get any better than it is right now.” This is almost universally ignored. So Mark is upstairs with my new miracle electronic device. Time slows. The eggs are getting colder by the second. He emerges triumphant.
“I’m calling you now!” he says. I answer the phone and there is his picture next to the phone number. He’s cute, isn’t he? So now, just in case I forget his cell phone number or don’t recognize his voice, I’ll know it’s my husband of almost 20 years because if I’m not too dim I’ll recognize his picture.
“You know you can go on Facebook and get the app to upload photos from your phone, don’t you?” Noah said as he shoved me out of my chair in the office just after supper. I want to upload photos to Facebook in the worst way, but not tonight.
The only thing that saved me was the battery was about to die – ironically the thing that got all this started this morning. The enVtouch is in the charger tonight. It’s taunting me. It knows it’s smarter than me. Thank goodness I have help.
Two hours later, he’s still at it. But I need to be fair. I now have the app to upload photos to Facebook, which apparently isn’t as easy to install as you think. And he’s the guy who dressed up in a maintenance suit and a ski mask to kill about 40,000 bees that invaded our bathroom a few years ago (never buy a wood house). And he’s the guy who drove me over to the Community Resource Center at 10 p.m. one night because I wasn’t sure I’d turned the coffee maker off. And he’s the guy who cleaned up the throw up and washed my hair as I sat in a shower chair and nursed me back to health after cancer surgery. He’s always got my back. So I guess I can forgive a little excessive behavior. Good night, sweetie. I love you.